So, I found out that I have cancer two days before Christmas. Still don’t know what kind or what stage. For all I know, I could be eaten up with it. I have to have an MRI and of course, I have to wait. My MRI was finally scheduled for December 29. They needed to see if the cancer is in my lymph nodes and this will help know how to stage it. I kept telling myself and Jonathan that it doesn’t matter what stage it is, only that God knows. I can’t lie, I have a slight tightening in the pit of my stomach as I am waiting for them to call me back. I get undressed and get into position on the table, and the lady doing my MRI is making light conversation. I start chuckling, and tell her that I just felt like I was being milked like a cow. I think I caught her off guard. She stammered her words and didn’t know quite what to say. Anyway, I’m laying face down in the machine and I feel like I have been teleported into an old Atari game that the button got stuck on. It was loud, so loud that I couldn’t hear myself singing in my own head!
You know how I felt like I was a warrior going into battle? Well, I prayed before the MRI that God would place His angels beside me, to protect and fight with me. I don’t know what else to say, but I could physically feel those angels on either side of that machine. I could picture them with their hands on the hilt of their sword, ready to fight for me. Psalms 91:10-11 “no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent.” For He will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; Talk about extinguishing some fear. I left that place feeling assured God had me.
December 30, I met with my surgeon and oncologist. I like them both and have been praying God would direct me to the doctors He wants to use. I feel like I have found them. I am told that I have Triple Negative Breast Cancer. I am shocked! I had a friend who lost her battle to that type of cancer 6 1/2 years ago. I also have a friend that just won her battle with it about 6 months ago. I am told it is a rare and aggressive type of cancer. Jonathan looks at me and says “Of course you would have a rare type”. Seems like that’s the story of my life. If it is something rare that can happen, it will happen to me.
I’m sure my oncologist (Dr. Nair) doesn’t know what to think of me. I was probably not his typical cancer patient. I have a peace from God that I can’t explain, so I came in his office smiling and laughing. I know God has this. I just needed to know from Dr. Nair what the plan of attack would be. He doesn’t know yet what route of treatment I will go through. It depends on if the lymph nodes are involved, and we would have to wait for the MRI results to come back. He informed me there was a study I could join that has shown great results at reducing the size of the tumor. It comes with more side effects, but I don’t care. I informed him that I can take it, so sign me up. I also let him know that me and Jonathan decided it was best to have a double mastectomy. You know how I have said God has been preparing me for this a long time? He has been preparing me for years. My best friend Julie went through a prophylactic mastectomy 5 years ago. I took care of her during that time. I also took care of my beloved friend who lost her life to this cancer. I know entirely what is headed my way. I have seen the scars and I am not afraid. Am I sad? Absolutely! I don’t want to give up my boobs. But if that is what it takes to be here with my family, then I am ready.
On January 4, 2016, I get the call that the lymph nodes are not involved. Praise the Lord! I am happy beyond words. My cancer is stage two and we can proceed with chemo, surgery, possible radiation and then reconstruction. I am ready to get started!
January 6, 2016, and I am not nervous at all about getting the actual port, except for the IV. My veins do not like to cooperate, so it will be nice to have one place where they draw blood and can infuse the chemo. The nurse tries once and then calls in the specialist and it took him twice. Glad that part is over. The last thing I remember saying before being put to sleep, is I have to pee and hope I don’t pee all over the place when they knock me out. We all laugh and they tell me that it happens! Please God, not me was the last thing I remember before going to dream land. I wake up and immediately feel pain. I can feel every part of the port in my chest and neck. I somewhat panic and tell Jonathan I can’t handle this thing in me for 6 months. As always, my faithful love reassures me I can. I also feel quite relieved to know I still have to pee and that I did not pee all over the operating table. It took a few days, but I finally adjusted to the port. I am ready to start chemo!
I cannot fully express how blessed I am to have the love and support of my family and friends. I couldn’t get through this without them. To know that I can count on every single one of them for anything means the world to me. I am not battling this alone!
I pray that you have seen how God has been with me through this, and preparing me for what is ahead. Even at my darkest time, He was there and continues to be with me. I hope you will continue to follow me through this journey and see where God leads me.