Cycle 1 is complete and it is going by fast! I will repeat this cycle 3 more times and then they will change my chemo regimen. This morning as we were waiting to be called back for chemo, we were surrounded by the elderly, and it was comical. I had just been chastised by my husband that I was reading him an article too loud (I admit that yes, I am loud) and then he had to quickly apologize. The elderly patients were louder than me! We got to listen and learn all about their different cancers and ailments, and what they did this last week, working in the yards and such. We couldn’t help but laugh. It’s good to find humor where you can.
As we are listening to them all talk, it hits me, and I realize that I have been the youngest patient at the cancer place on Wednesdays. You think of cancer as a geriatric disease, not for someone in her thirties. I still feel like I’m dreaming and that I really don’t have cancer. This couldn’t happen to me. I know too many others that had it, so it should have skipped over me. It’s still weird for me to say, “I have breast cancer”. But, it’s not a dream, and it didn’t skip over me. I was chosen to walk through this journey and I can only pray that it will lead others to Christ. That someone may see how God has carried us at times, held our hands at times and given us a peace that we can’t described into words. Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong. Take courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you.” God does not promise us we will not go through storms and hard times, but He does promise us He will NEVER leave us. We have abundantly seen evidence of that promise! I only hope that others going through something will see God’s promises are for anyone who wants it and accepts it.
It’s not always easy. There are still days I am emotional thinking about what battles are ahead of me. Those are the days I draw my strength even more from my heavenly Father. On day 10 of starting chemo, my head started itching and I knew it meant my hair follicles were beginning to die. On day 13, as I was washing my hair, it started coming out into my hands in clumps. Talking about being surreal. I have mentally prepared myself for this day, and I feel like I will be ready to shave it when the time comes; however, I also know it is ok to cry about it. It doesn’t make me any less stronger and it doesn’t make me doubt God’s plan for me. This is the process of having cancer treatments. It does comfort me in a way to be losing my hair, because I know that the chemo is working and it’s kicking the cancer’s hiney. So, right now, in this moment, I am welcoming the side of effects.
I did decide it would be better to get my hair cut short after it started coming out. I asked my sister Michelle to cut it. I wanted to be surrounded by my family’s love and support, so we did it at my parent’s home. Somehow, I was the one providing the support. I put my hair in a pony tail and told her to make the cut. My Momma was hiding her face, saying, I think that’s too short. But I was ready! I had made up my mind and knew it really didn’t matter if she messed it up. I will be shaving it off in 1-2 weeks. What could be worse? I think she missed her calling, because she did a great job. My hair has continued to come out today, so I have been leaving a piece of me everywhere I go.
Here are a few pictures from my haircut.